im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
