I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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