ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
