so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
