So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
