I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
