if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
