so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
