some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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