Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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