did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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