K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
