strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
