My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
