Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
