It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
