oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
