my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
