the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
