Where are you?
In a non slutty way
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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