Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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