I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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