Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
