Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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