How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
