When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
