if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
please don't ironically join a cult
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