morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
