what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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