we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the liver wants what the liver wants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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