I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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