Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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