her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
