idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
