I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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