at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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