I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i will never coherently bang her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
