you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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