I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
