Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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