if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
