Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
