the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
