Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
