At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
