Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize