i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize