he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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