you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
