Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ketchup is God's man juice
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
