I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well you can't waste a boner
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
