Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
