If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
