Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
