I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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