He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
