i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
