If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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