Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
