you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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