I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
