so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
