My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
