If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
