Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
