I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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