Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
