i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
