Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
