Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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