If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
