Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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