Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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