Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
