hell yes lets make some ravioli
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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