i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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