she smelled like a LAN party
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
