Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Terrible idea I love it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
