Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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