hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
