whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
