it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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