take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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