omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
