I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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