My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
