Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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