btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
