anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
sex in a hospital.. check
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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