The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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