You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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