This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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